Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. George Carlin. Theres no present. var googletag = googletag || {}; To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. } catch (err) { "Application": "GoodreadsMonolith", This is what we have to offer. I think that speaks for itself. And the supreme arrogance? (?) page: {requestId: "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", meaningful: "interactive"} } October 29, 2004. I hate a group of people with a common purpose. His jokes were certainly aimed to provoke others but the hows and whys of it made him so exceptional. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. var gads = document.createElement("script"); They own, and control the corporations. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. Everybodys going to save something now. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if youre really looking.George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born May 12, 1937, in the Bronx, New York. } } We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Don't forget: YOU have the power to make ANYTHING happen. But he loves you. if(cookiePair[0] === name) { Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. Just daydreaming. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. They should be more vivid. if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. 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Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. }("apstag", window, document, "script", "//c.amazon-adsystem.com/aax2/apstag.js"); Theres no present. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); "Events.Namespace": "csa", That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." George Carlin. You dont. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. " Forget the politicians. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? , But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images By Daniel Kurtzman Updated on 06/20/18 "In America, anyone can become president. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. 3. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. When you die, it all stays here. But once youre born, youre on your own. Right in the f--in head! Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. 4994. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. googletag.pubads().enableSingleRequest(); The challenge is to find it. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Your email address will not be published. Laugh often, long and loud. We just believed everything. Do share your thoughts with us in the comment section and tell us which one was your favoriteGeorge Carlin quotesor if you want to ask any questions or have any query send them viaContact Us. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, You show me a lazy prick whos lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and Ill show you a guy whos not causing any trouble. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, I have lots of ideas. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?George Carlin, Electricity is really just organized lightningGeorge Carlin, Would a fly without wings be called a walk?George Carlin, There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. try { Showing 1-30 of 421 "The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin tags: humor , insanity , lies , lying , self-indulgence , truth 19588 likes Like "The planet is fine. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. You have owners. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. They never mention that part to us, do they? George Carlin, 50. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. We think in language. Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. People are wonderful one at a time. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Hes not a cheese. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. Quotes. } Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. It will not be with jack-boots. var sourcesToHideBuyFeatures = ["ebfg_gr", "ebfg_fb", "ebfg_fbm", "ebfg_tw", 1. Aw, hes a comedian. And, let me tell you, theres nothin like it. var node = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; "Never argue with an idiot. I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. "https:" : "http:") + You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain, All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another, "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. window.Mobvious.device_type = 'mobile'; The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 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I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 2023 Inspirationfeed. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. So, we must be clear about our expectations for government and its role in our lives. Creative Commons. We would love to hear your thoughts, so dont be shy and comment below! Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. George Carlin, 61. "Everyone smiles in the same language." ~ (George Carlin). Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin, 5. It creates a hostile work environment. His insights on the world of politics were always keen and often quite funny. var ue_mid = "A1PQBFHBHS6YH1"; I just dont have as many people who believe it.George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet?George Carlin. Thats the problem. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Because theres no money in that problem. pubID: '3211', adServer: 'googletag', bidTimeout: 4e3, params: { aps_privacy: '1YN' } Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. Right in the fucking head! q("f", arguments) George Carlin > Quotes (?) The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42.

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