A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The Blonde Fighter Pilot The other replied, Not me! Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. What are you doing? I asked. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. I was very nervous, she said. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Marine: Wait, stop. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. We have one or two in here! Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Heres what they came up with: . What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? But I had the last laugh. Do not attempt to shave with fire. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Now he likes peanuts.. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. 4. An airplane! 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Im 81 years old, he answered. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Full Disclosure Here. 1. 3. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Military jokes! 2. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. The tenant shook her head. 65. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? A drill serGENTLEMEN! I will take the both of you for a ride. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Even his son turned up. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. She also liked her scotch. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Rodrigues there? USMC: OHH! I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. A Recruiter Misled You. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Chicago. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. USN: Helos As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 10. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. A LOOtenant! Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Anecdotes 2. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. with someone braver than you.'. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Read more. In-dough-structible You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 37. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Where are you from? When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. 43. Why? I asked. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. As A.J. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. I was the tallest guy in line. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Attention! Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . The c.i.a. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Rodrigues there? They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. He then made his way to my side. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Pilots 5. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Only one. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! And )second Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. The Marine said Are you crazy? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. 3. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. 29. Its where we park the helicopters.. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Air Traffic Control 6. Caller: Do you have his right number? It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: St. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Proceed at your own risk. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Why? I asked. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Flight Announcements 4. Theyre U.S. AF! Did it work? 41. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. 30. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. 2. Aircraft Engineers 1. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! 46. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Individual use is by implied consent. 36. 66. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Aeronautical Humor. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? This is really good, he said. (pointing at the sky). ! Again, no reply. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. 64. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. What happened Sergeant? "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. ! One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Bad altitude. It took the poor guy all day. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Dont think so? What did you do? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Speed is life. 35. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. But I am public affairs, I said. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. He had the same plane as yours. March forth! He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Did you make it all by yourself? The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. You can see why: Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. If pilots screw up, they die. Good judgment comes from experience. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. The Lasting Supper Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Me: Hello? [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. You had tents?" Then one day I couldnt find it. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. They know how to take up space. [Answered]. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free.

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